You Can Regain Sexual Confidence After Years of No Sex

Another question from a concerned 50 year old woman:

Dear Kim,

I heard you on Alissa Kriteman (podcast) and found the talk really inspiring.

I am 50 years old and was in a sexless marriage for almost 20 years. I was previously very comfortable with my sexuality. After once pursuing me relentlessly, my former husband rejected me sexually after the birth of our first child, while at the same time making it clear that he fancied other women.

My children are now grown up and I feel that I need to venture out in pursuit of passion. However my confidence is shot. I have no problem attracting men but I am really nervous in bed with them going near my vagina. I attempted penetrative sex once and it was really painful as I was completely dry. That experience left me feeling even more arid and past it. I am very much on a spiritual path and in search of sacred sexuality.

Could you offer some inspirational advice on how to make myself more confident with my body and how to prepare myself for a sexual encounter? What are the best lubricants?

ANSWER

Thank you so much for contacting me – I’m glad you were inspired by the show! What you experienced with your husband after your child was born is common, though not often spoken of. Not a very nice thing to happen to you, for sure.

First of all – good for you for wanting to get out again and experience the pleasure that you deserve and that you know from experience you can have! Women often shut down permanently so “yay” for you for going for it.

As we age, we lubricate less, even if we are aroused. I think a good water soluble lubricant is the greatest sexual empowerment accessory you can have. I’m 43 and always have a bottle handy just to make things even more slippery. I’m a huge fan of Forplay Succulents lubricant since it is naturally flavoured with no artificial sweeteners (they can irritate the vaginal walls). You can see some of the flavour options here

I suggest you allow yourself time to really re-connect with your sensual side with real quality time for you to self-pleasure and get to know the caresses and touches your body really wants. A long, hot bath while you caress yourself and really take the time to appreciate all of your curves and dimples and wisdom marks and scars all over your body can be very empowering. They ALL come together to create the amazing, feminine power that is you!

Try this after the bath. Look in the mirror at your naked beautiful self and really be gentle and loving. Look deep into your eyes and seek out your heart and soul and find the wisdom that is there inside of you right now. Ask your higher self to offer you some words of advice to really help you get through this next phase of your journey. Ask it what you need to do next to more easily embrace your sacred sexuality. Allow yourself the time and space to be open to the answers – whatever the answers are, know that they are absolutely right for you right now.

I have an audio program called the Sacred Sexy Circle. The CD is currently included in my new G-Spot PlayGuide which is 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven and you don’t even need a partner. It was created for a woman like you who wants to find that deeper connection to her inner sensual and sexual self so she can experience all of the sexual satisfaction and intimacy that she not only secretly craves but deserves. The link is here

I’m not trying to sell these to you but merely let you know they are there as inexpensive tools to help you on your path to feel more confident so that you can have the love life you want.

If you sign up on the home page at www.lionessforlovers.com you can get a free e-book on how to be sexier and more confident. Perhaps try that first and see if any of those tips offer you any inspiration. I am also available for coaching one-on-one, but you may want to explore these other options first. I suspect you may surprise yourself. You are taking lovely steps already by a) listening to the call and b) writing to me. You’re inspiring to me! Keep on your path – it will be so incredibly worth it. Good luck to you!