Accept your partner’s sexual boundaries

Sex advice for Vancouver Island University students excerpted from The Navigator newspaper.

Question: I would like to know why a man does not want to touch or feel or give a woman a manually orgasm by touching her vagina and clitoris. My partner does not do this and he is the only man that I have been with that doesn’t. Most men can’t wait to get in there and “feel around”. My partner says it isn’t his thing, yet he will do oral sex on me. I do not have an orgasm during intercourse without some clitoral stimulation. I do not get this with him. Is there something I can do to get him to touch me there and stimulate me before we have sex so that I can have some enjoyment too.

My response: While you may have only encountered this with one man, he is not alone, and nor are you. We all have different comfort levels with various aspects of sexual activity. There can be many reasons for someone to not want to engage in certain behaviors. They may not even know entirely why they feel that way. It could be due to religious beliefs, moral values, upbringing, or a negative trigger from their past. Whatever he feels is absolutely right for him at this time. If he decides himself that he wants to start stimulating you manually and he needs help, then you can enlist the services of a coach to help him learn the skills if you don’t feel comfortable showing him.

 The key is to ensure that both of you are happy with your intimate encounters 100%. If he isn’t comfortable touching your genitals with his hands and you would like that type of stimulation, then by all means, you can do it yourself! There is no rule that says that we ‘should’ do certain things with our partners. There are a lot of men who don’t like to perform oral sex so you are ahead of the game there, if this is something you enjoy. I’m a huge fan of self pleasure. It is not your partner’s responsibility to bring you pleasure. It is our responsibility to give ourselves pleasure in whatever way works for us. The only thing we can control is our own actions. You never know, when he sees you stimulating yourself, over time he may want to do it also. If not, you can always invest in a small vibrator to help stimulate you while you have intercourse if you get tired of using your hands. There are lots of different toys to help you and he may be comfortable using a toy to stimulate you to get you ‘warmed up’ before you engage in intercourse. Never force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, and by all means, take charge of your own body, your own pleasure and your sex life. Self empowerment is a powerful thing! Best of luck to you.

Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach for Women
Rediscover your passion for sex and have a juicy marriage that lasts!


Author of “Great Sex for Hard Times” and “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!

Free Report here on the Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confident Woman

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