Sex advice for Vancouver Island University students excerpted from The Navigator newspaper.
Question: A couple of months ago I had a bad break-up with my long term boyfriend. Now…I am finding myself drawn to other women more than men. All my friends say that I’m going through a sort of gun-shy phase due to the break-up, but I’m not so sure. I’m so confused. I’ve never considered myself gay, or even bisexual before this. I’m so lost. How do I tell if this is just a phase or something long lasting?
My response: Bad break-ups can be tough, especially from a long term relationship. It is important to try to make sure that you have allowed enough time so you’re ready for the ‘dating scene’. It is wise to be feeling whole enough and confident enough in yourself before looking for another so you don’t go seeking someone to fill up the empty spaces.
As for being drawn to other women, be sure it is for the right reasons. If you are looking for a friend, a companion, someone to laugh with and feel comfortable around, that may why the women are appealing. If you feel ‘turned off’ from men, it may simply mean you need a bit more time before venturing into the dating world again. However if you find that you are drawn ‘sexually’ to women and they turn you on and get your motor purring and it isn’t so much from the ‘friendship’ perspective, that is a different matter. Experimenting and trying out new ways to explore our sexual side (as long as it is done safely) is a beautiful thing!
Having a sexual relationship with another woman needn’t be labeled as anything other than – you are in a relationship! If you feel the pull of a partnership in all ways with another person, regardless of gender, it is a great and wonderful thing to experience – as long as the feelings are reciprocated. I don’t believe in ‘phases’ really. You could just as easily call the relationship you were in before a ‘phase’ and it was a phase with that particular guy. Now it’s time to move on to the next ‘phase’ or chapter in your relationship life.
Please don’t worry about what other people think – though I know it can be tough. The most important thing is honouring what I call your Sexual Truth. Doing whatever is authentically, honestly and truly what you want. I have 2 rules for healthy sexuality: 100% consent and 100% pleasure by all parties involved. As long as you meet those 2 criteria honestly – you should be absolutely fine. While a same sex relationship presents a few challenges due to society’s misguided rules, straight relationships are no better and no worse as far as quality of the relationship or commitment. Try not to label yourself and listen to your body, your mind and your heart and you can’t go wrong!
Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach for Women
Rediscover your passion for sex and have a juicy marriage that lasts!
250.753.8692
www.KimSwitnicki.com
Author of “Great Sex for Hard Times” and “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!”
Free Report here on the Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confident Woman
