Repair Mismatched Sex Drives

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Most couples. especially after the 2 year mark when the ‘love drugs’ fade, have a concern about mismatched libidos. When sex drives don’t match up it can be frustrating and lead to a lot of problems in the bedroom. I have a sure fire, 5 step process that gets rave reviews from couples who attend my workshops. A change like this requires a shift in attitude and awareness so I created The S.H.I.F.T. Process:

To hear my chat about this idea listen in here.

1) Sex defined – essentially this is about clarifying what denotes sexual activity – you are likely having a lot more sex than you think! If it is intimate behaviour (touching, kissing, snuggling, etc.) which you wouldn’t do with anyone else such as a cousin or sibling – then it falls into this category.

2) Honour and include each other – respect that you are each unique individuals and no-one is in the wrong here. Be honest and develop ways to include each other. You don’t always have to engage in a complete session involving intercourse. Simply being present with each other perhaps while one of you is engaged in self pleasure can be a good start. Start by not lying, avoiding, pretending to sleep, etc. and work your way up from there.

3) Inner check – learn to scale your desire from 1 – 10. We are not on/off switches. Sometimes you might be at a 3/10 meaning you just need some kissing and maybe a massage and then you’re good to go. Or maybe you are at a 7 or 8 and just need the go ahead. Learn to be discerning in detecting how you actually feel.

4) Follow up with a signal – let your partner know where you are at on that scale with a viable and recognizable signal that sets the stage. Don’t hang a sexy red scarf on the laundry room or garage door if your partner never visits that part of the house!

5) Talk to each other – learn some communication or conflict resolution skills and apply them to your intimate relationship as well! Practice discovering new areas of lovemaking that interest you. There will (or ALWAYS should be) new things to experiment with. Play with the joy of discovery together.

Want things to be different in your bedroom?
Tired of frustration and dissatisfaction?
Want to feel more fulfilled?

Email me for a complimentary consultation. Maybe you need one-on-one private coaching, maybe an online program or perhaps I can recommend a great book or other resource. For immediate action, go to to set up your complimentary 30 minute phone coaching session and we’ll help you get your sexy back! Isn’t it about time to have a juicy, loving relationship that will last?


Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach for Women

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