How to Tell Your Partner What You Want

I understand that a number of you are curious about how to tell your partner exactly what you want and when you want it! If you can tell them about, say, an area on your neck that may be ticklish and that you don’t enjoy the sensation, hopefully they’ll be more careful not to touch it during lovemaking. If you need more or less pressure on your genitals, share that! Giving orders or getting mad or frustrated while in bed is NOT the path to harmonious, satisfying sex.

Alternatively, we are also sometimes in perfect rhythm, with every-thing just right and then, damn, they move! If you had only let your partner know just how right it was, how perfect the speed, pressure, pace or whatever, you could have gone to the moon and back! If he or she doesn’t know (by your words or your actions), how great it is and how important it is for you to have the bliss continuing EXACTLY as it is, how will they know? If you are silent, why wouldn’t they try to change it up a bit to get a reaction of some sort?

So HOW you ask? In this issue let’s discuss the ‘when’. A critical part of any conversation (especially one that you feel is very important) is actually having an agreement from both parties to even have the conversation! Ever said “Honey, we need to talk”? What you’re saying here is that YOU have a need to talk. In fact, the other person in the “we” may not even be aware there is a conversation to have!

Consider, “Honey, I’d like to chat about something that is important to me. Can you let me know when is a good time?” Perhaps while he has his head buried in the car engine or while he’s neck deep in work isn’t a good time. Try to pick a time where the mood is loving and relaxed and you can look your partner in the eye and, better yet, maintain physical contact by holding hands or touching an arm or a thigh. If you have agreement to continue, go for it!

Keep things light and fun. If you’re really shy and don’t want to look at him (though I suggest you work up your courage and look him in the eyes), perhaps you can be sitting beside each other on the couch and watching TV. Say something like “I love the ‘chocolate ice cream’ (insert your sexual play here) that we have/do and I was wondering if we could try adding ‘some candy sprinkles to it’ (insert your preferred sexual suggestion here) next time?”

Suggesting an ‘additional’ idea or adding something new will likely get him interested. Suggesting a complete replacement (such as let’s have only banana splits from now on) is likely to put him on the defensive about his choice of dessert!

The key to making this work all the way is up to you – feedback! Let him know clearly how much you’re enjoying the sprinkles and you may be surprised at what he comes up with next!


Kim Switnicki, ACC
Sex Educator & Intimacy Coach for Women
Rediscover your passion for sex and have a juicy marriage that lasts!


Author of “Great Sex for Hard Times” and “G-Spot PlayGuide: 7 Simple Steps to G-Spot Heaven!

Free Report here on the Top 10 Ways to be a Sexier, more Confident Woman

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