Feeling safe in a sex toy store

Sex advice for Vancouver Island University students excerpted from The Navigator newspaper.

Question: I’m in my twenties and am not new to sex, but I will admit that I still get a little shy about it. Not so much about the actual act that is, but the topic of lube, sex toys, ect. make me blush! This also means that, surprise, I can’t bring myself to step inside a sex shop. In all honesty, I am really curious about all of this stuff, but I can’t help but feel intimidated by the store itself. Can you give me a hand by telling me what to expect and how to keep my cool during my first trip to a sex shop?

My response: The main thing to stress is to accept that being shy about discussions of a sexual nature is perfectly natural and can and may happen on occasions throughout your life. We are not brought up believing that this is a natural subject to discuss and yet it is critical to a successful sexual relationship to be able to communicate your and your partner’s desires and needs.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to go into a sex shop. We all have our own comfort levels. Some shops are lovely and some can make even me feel a bit jittery – and I’ve been going to them for over 30 years – they have improved over that time! All that said, the more you make small attempts, the easier it can become.

A safer way to develop comfort with the idea of looking at toys and lubricants and other lotions and potions and goodies is to look online first. There are some fabulous websites for toys that are female friendly: www.lionessforlovers.com (based in Nanaimo) www.goodforher.com (based in Toronto) www.goodvibes.com (based in San Francisco) and www.womynsware.com (based in Vancouver) to name a few that will give you tips, ideas and a safe way to explore and get more comfortable. Beware of searching online since you may come across sites and images that you weren’t really looking for and they can make you feel uncomfortable.

The people who work in these stores are usually very helpful and are used to people being first timers. I suggest you go to one that a friend suggests so you know if it is a friendly shop and not one that is a bit ‘seedy’. You can say to the clerk that you’ve never been in a shop like this and they are likely to help you out and show you around. You are not alone in your discomfort and hopefully you will feel a bit more at ease after first looking at a few toys online. You can also ask the clerk to see a particular toy that you have scoped out on the internet so you feel more comfident that you know what you are doing.

Another option is to have a home party with some girlfriends where a knowledgable person will come out to your home and provide a private ‘showing’ of all sorts of toys that you can see, touch, feel and even taste some of the flavoured lubes and other products. These home parties are lots of fun and you will likely receive a bit of sex education at the same time if the consultant is experienced at this. Locally you can go to www.lionessforlovers.com/party or ask your friends if they know of anyone who does these sorts of parties. Maybe a friend would host one and you could simply attend as a guest.